Parenting can be over whelming both in a positive and negative way. If you are a new parent you might be struggling with understanding your child’s behaviour and various moods. We understand that it can all get very frustrating and the best solution seems to be yelling at your child. But we have better solutions for you. This guide will help you understand how you can make parenthood a joyful journey and have a beautiful relationship with your child at the same time.
There is no simple way to state the rules of parenting. However, there are certain ways to help you understand parenting better.
There are two main components of parenting styles. One is responsiveness or how much independence you are willing to grant. The other is demandingness or how much strict obedience you require.
Mentioned below are a few parenting types:
This parenting style is characterised by high behaviour control and low parental responsiveness. This type of parenting encourages suppression of emotion while at the same time the parent is aggressive. The focus is on rules and there is hardly any parent child discussion.
This parenting style is characterised by high behaviour control and high parental responsiveness. Authoritative parents have a relatively open and flexible mind. They also impose rules but the rules make logical sense. Here, the parents are warm, responsive and strive to meet the child’s physical as well as emotional needs.
It is also sometimes called Indulgent parenting. It is characterised by low behaviour control and high parental responsiveness. This type of parenting encourages free development and independent thinking. The parents are warm towards the child and do not practice very strict control techniques.
Also known as Neglectful Parenting, there is low behaviour control and low parental responsiveness in this type of parenting. Here, the parents usually meet the physical needs of the child but are emotionally uninvolved in the child’s life. The parent and the child are distant and disengaged from each other.
Now that we have taken a look at the types, it is clear that for a healthy child and parent relationship there must be a balance on how much control you have over the child and how much you expect from them in return.
We all know that children usually cannot express what they want (which is mostly attention) and end up behaving oddly or throwing tantrums. As parents, we have to understand their behaviour. Here are some Positive Parenting Techniques:
- Identify the issue: There is always something that motivates negative behaviour in a child. Children lack the skills to manage their big feelings or have a desire to get the parents’ attention which they cannot express and thus behave oddly. Their behaviour itself is a symptom that they need something from the parent. Once you identify the issue, you can become a more proactive parent and stop the outbursts from happening. For example – If you have to take a call in 30 minutes, it is a good idea to spend those 30 minutes playing with your child and giving them undivided attention. By doing this, you reassure your child that you are paying attention and also make sure that they don’t disturb you while you are on the call.
- Be Consistent: Parents, consistency is key! While you can never be sure of a kid’s mood swings, it is also important to remember that you being the parent have to discipline the child. Having a routine or schedule is always a good idea. If the morning routine for your child is to make the bed, brush their teeth and dress up before breakfast, try to maintain this routine everyday. It is also best to have some firm technology rules for the children like giving them a time limit on how much time they can spend playing video games or surfing the internet etc.
- Change your methods Focus on disciplining and not on punishing. Let’s first see the difference between the two. Discipline means “to train by instruction” and Punish means “to handle severely” or “to inflict penalty for”. Teaching the child appropriate ways to behave by explaining to them and talking to them is better that using blame and shame. By disciplining the child, we empower them to become competent and capable adults. Studies show that strict punishment can lead the child to have negative emotions, feel low self-esteem and lack confidence.
- Say no to Rewards: Think of it this way. Parenting is a 5k run not a 100m race. So, as a parent you will benefit from thinking long-term instead of short term. Today if you offer your child an ice-cream for eating his vegetables, or a cookie for being well-behaved at the store, it is possible that your child will expect this the next time as well. Your child might not eat his vegetables until he is offered an ice cream. Using rewards might seem like a good thing to do but it is a slippery slope. You can instead use words of encouragement like “Well done” or “Mummy is so proud of you”.
Yes. We know, its not a cake walk. So, here are some small tips to keep in mind:
- Talk to your child at their level.
- Explain and help them learn from their mistakes.
- Be loving and firm.
- Tell them what they should do instead of what they shouldn’t do.
- Keep the promises that you made to them.
We believe that when you become a parent, its not just the child that grows, you grow with the child too. Happy Parenting!
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